NFL Week 3 Picks

I stunk up the joint last week, what with all the point-fixing and what not. Haha! Just kidding the NFL is 100% honest, hardworking, and often sober on Game Days. Don’t worry, Jet Fan, that Dummy Braylon Edwards will play.

Oh, and the other East Coast Earthquake this week came from Philadelphia, where, in a surprise move Andy Reid put down his sandwich and announced Michael Vick would be the Eagles starter while Kevin Kolb combed the crumbs from his moustache (Reid’s, not Vick’s).

Tampa Bay will be blacked out again this weekend.

I realize I’ve picked a large-ish number of Road Teams this week. That’s because there’s a lot of crap teams in the NFL.

1ET Games

@NYG -3 Tennessee What’s the difference between a “Titan” and a “Giant”? A TD, the other way. Pick: Titans +3.
@NE -14.5 Buffalo I feel a little sad for the Bills, what with everyone laughing at them all the time. But I’m gonna go ahead and take those 14.5 points and see what happens. Bills +14.5.
@Baltimore -10.5 Cleveland Where’s Derek Anderson when you need him? Oh, that’s right, he’s ruining Arizona. I’ll take the Browns +10.5.
Pittsburgh -2.5 @Tampa Bay I’ll take Pittsburgh -2.5. Bonus Final Score Prediction: 3-0.
Cincinnati -3 @Carolina What’s wrong with this line? Is there a North Carolina Teachers Convention in Las Vegas or something? The Panthers stink!  Bengals -3.
@New Orleans -4 Atlanta I like the Falcons +4. I’d like them even better +14, but them’s the breaks.
San Francisco -3 @Kansas City Whenever you say things like “Well, if they didn’t have that 1 turnover…” Well they did dammit, and you can’t do that. I’ll take KC +3.
@Minnesota -11 Detroit Gimme the Lions +11. What makes you think the Vikings can score 10 points? Suh will get to Favre and hurt him, too.
@Houston -2.5 Dallas Dallas, you fooled and burned me last week. Can you go 0-3?? Yeah, I think so. John Madden mentioned on Russo’s show today – Maybe the Cowboys just aren’t all that talented. I’ll take the Texans and lay the 2.5.

4ET Games

Washington -3.5 @St. Louis Joe Theismann said today on Sirius – I swear I am not making this up – that the Redskins are a Top Ten team. Still the Redskins D is good enough, I’ll take them -3.5.
Philadelphia -2.5 @Jacksonville Jacksonville. Scene of Donovan McNabb throwing up, etc. This game could induce nausea. Philly -2.5.
Indianapolis -5.5 @Denver Yawn. I’ll lay the 5.5 with the Colts.
San Diego -5 @Seattle Golden Tate. Now that’s a classic 70s style name. Chargers -5.
@Arizona -4.5 Oakland This game is in Arizona, which is somewhere I guess. Derek Anderson is the Raiders best option at QB. Some guy named “Max Hall” has Kent Whisenhunt’s 100% confidence to tape Kurt Warner’s Dancing with the Stars Performance. I like the Raiders to win outright, actually.

Sunday Night

@Miami -2.5 NY Jets [Insert your own Braylon Edwards joke, please, I’m tired.] Dolphins win on a late FG. Why am I always picking against the Jets? *Shrug* I’m just guessing, that’s why.

Monday Night

Green Bay -3 @Chicago I’ll take Chicago +3. I think they can keep it close so long as Jay Cutler doesn’t throw 17 picks, which seems just as likely as him not throwing 17 picks.

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