NFL Week 9 Picks

November is here, the weather is turning colder and the clocks are turning backwards. Yup, it’s week 9, we’re past the halfway point – and somehow the Oakland Raiders aren’t the laughingstock of the league. Doesn’t look good, though, for that coach in Dallas, or the one in Minnesota, or that quarterback in Washington.

1pm

  • BUFFALO +3 over Chicago. Canada’s Favorite Team gets its first win – in Toronto! Yay Canada!
  • San Diego -3 at HOUSTON. Remember Bum Phillips, the old Oilers coach? Yeah, I miss that guy, too.
  • New Orleans -6½ over CAROLINA. When the NBA contracts, maybe they can take the Panthers with them.
  • Arizona +8 over MINNESOTA. Everyone says Chilly is out if the Vikings lose. I think it’ll be close. I hope Eagle fans realize Childress tried to do the shortcut route to a winning franchise. Never works.
  • ATLANTA -9 over Tampa Bay. As cool as Josh Freeman’s hair is, he’s up against a well-rested Falcon team.
  • DETROIT +4 over NY Jets. I don’t think the Jets are in trouble or anything after that loss to the Packers. I just think Detroit is really headed the ri
    ght direction and will put up a good fight.
  • Miami +5½ over BALTIMORE. This could be yet another 15-12 type game.
  • New England -4½ over CLEVELAND. Bill Belechik whips up his Most Evil Game Plan this season so far.

4pm

  • NY Giants -7 over SEATTLE. My advice to Charlie Whitehurst would be to pull up with, oh say, a tight hammy or something during warmups.
  • OAKLAND -1 over Kansas City. Run, Oakland, run!
  • Indianapolis +3 over PHILADELPHIA. The Colts can’t possibly win as banged up as they are. And the Eagles under Coach Reid are 11-0 coming off th
    e bye! And that’s why I like the Colts.

Sunday Night

  • GREEN BAY -7 over Dallas. Jerry Jones apologized for this mess earlier this week. Wade "Bum’s Son" Phillips maybe oughta try one of Dad’s hats.

Monday Night

  • Pittsburgh -5 over CINCINNATI. Has there ever been an NFL player who’s made so much noise, caused so much bother and, at the End of the Day, really done nothing all that notable? Even that 1998 Playoff catch (remember, against the Packers?) came in a game in which TO had dropped 4 balls and lost a fumble. Really. Read it here: 49ers stun Packers, 1998.

Byes

What? No Mike Singletary this week? Maybe he would have quoted Geroge S. Patton this week. This should tide you over: memorable George S. Patton quotes.

  • Denver
  • Jacksonville
  • San Francisco
  • St. Louis
  • NYG
  • Washington