NFL Week 4 Picks

Yikes! After an 11-5 week 3 ATS, nearly forgot to post these picks, sure to be 5-11 or worse. Today is Oktoberfest in Smithville, NJ, which I’ll have to race to get back in time for the Eagles game today.

1ET Games

@TENNESSEE -6½ Denver I find nothing to reccommend either team. I’ll take … Titans -6½, under protest.
@PITTSBURGH -2½ Baltimore Charlie Batch. Charlie Batch! Can you imagine? I don’t see a 3TD performance, but the Steelers defense is awfully good, especially at home. Steelers – 2½
Cincinnati -3 @CLEVELAND The Bengals have won all kinds of games against the AFC North. I just don’t like them, their smartass uniforms, wobbly quarterback, ancient loudmother receivers, etc. Cleveland +3.
@GREEN BAY -14 Detroit Packers were the Bears’ best friend last week. 18 Penalties! That’s 152 yards! The Bears only passed for 199! Without a healthy Jahvid Best (he has not practiced this week), I just don’t think the Lions have enough offense to stay in the game. Pack -14.
@NEW ORLEANS -13½ Carolina

I’ll take the Saints.

@ATLANTA -7 San Francisco The Mike Singletary watch begins, just after he gives yet another press conference explaining what the team needs to do, instead of having the team actually do it. I think the Falcons are for real, and the ESPN’s Power Rankings are not only useless but comical. How you can rate the Saints over Atlanta 2 days after the Falcons beat them? You can’t, so stop with the ESPN already, except for Greg Easterbrook. Oh! The pick – I like the Falcons again. And I do think there’s something to this West->East Travel stuff. I’m going to do some research on that.
Seattle -1 @ST. LOUIS Sam Bradford wins again! Seattle had 271 yards of Total Offense last week. Leon Washington had 253 yards in kick returns. That is not happening two weeks in a row.
NY Jets -5½ @BUFFALO Revis is still out, and the Jet Secondary looks suspect. The Bills are woefully short on talent, but they are gamers with Fitzpatrick at QB. Two road division games for the Jets is awfully tought. I think the Bills can keep a home division game close. I’ll take Buffalo with the points, and risk the wrath of the Foosball Wizard for picking against the Jets for a third week in a row, having lost the previous 2. Insanity? Possibly.

4ET Games

Indianapolis -7 @JACKSONVILLE Jacksonville always plays Indianapolis tight. I simply can’t take them though. They really, really stink. Trent Edwards.
Houston -3 @OAKLAND This is a Big Test for the Texans. Coming off a tough loss at home last week, are the Texans good enough to bounce back and win on the road? I think Oakland will be better than last week, and we’ll have a close game. Oakland +3
@SAN DIEGO -8½ Arizona A so-called Super Bowl contender will not sell out – again – and San Diego will be blacked out again. The NFL is headed for trouble. I think the Chargers win going away, though. Unless Leon Washington flies in after his early game and suits up for Arizona.
@PHILADELPHIA -5½ Washington Washington stinks. And they have stunk for a long, long time. But this is a divisional game and goofy stuff happens. I think the Eagles win, though. I could go either way, but I’ll go with my Eagles and lay the 5½

Sunday Night

@NY GIANTS -3½ Chicago How on earth are the Giants favored? Expecting a bounce back? That New Meadowlands stadium induces sleep and nausea. I am counting on the Giants dropping 4 INTs. And the Giants starting center is out. That’s a bigger deal than most people think. Chicago somehow wins this snoozefest and somehow goes 4-0.

Monday Night

New England -1 @MIAMI Miami is going to win this game, because the NFL is, as we all know, fixed, and this keeps the division tight. And the NE pass defense. Phew! This game could be a 56-52 kind of a thing.

NFL Week 3 Picks

I stunk up the joint last week, what with all the point-fixing and what not. Haha! Just kidding the NFL is 100% honest, hardworking, and often sober on Game Days. Don’t worry, Jet Fan, that Dummy Braylon Edwards will play.

Oh, and the other East Coast Earthquake this week came from Philadelphia, where, in a surprise move Andy Reid put down his sandwich and announced Michael Vick would be the Eagles starter while Kevin Kolb combed the crumbs from his moustache (Reid’s, not Vick’s).

Tampa Bay will be blacked out again this weekend.

I realize I’ve picked a large-ish number of Road Teams this week. That’s because there’s a lot of crap teams in the NFL.

1ET Games

@NYG -3 Tennessee What’s the difference between a “Titan” and a “Giant”? A TD, the other way. Pick: Titans +3.
@NE -14.5 Buffalo I feel a little sad for the Bills, what with everyone laughing at them all the time. But I’m gonna go ahead and take those 14.5 points and see what happens. Bills +14.5.
@Baltimore -10.5 Cleveland Where’s Derek Anderson when you need him? Oh, that’s right, he’s ruining Arizona. I’ll take the Browns +10.5.
Pittsburgh -2.5 @Tampa Bay I’ll take Pittsburgh -2.5. Bonus Final Score Prediction: 3-0.
Cincinnati -3 @Carolina What’s wrong with this line? Is there a North Carolina Teachers Convention in Las Vegas or something? The Panthers stink!  Bengals -3.
@New Orleans -4 Atlanta I like the Falcons +4. I’d like them even better +14, but them’s the breaks.
San Francisco -3 @Kansas City Whenever you say things like “Well, if they didn’t have that 1 turnover…” Well they did dammit, and you can’t do that. I’ll take KC +3.
@Minnesota -11 Detroit Gimme the Lions +11. What makes you think the Vikings can score 10 points? Suh will get to Favre and hurt him, too.
@Houston -2.5 Dallas Dallas, you fooled and burned me last week. Can you go 0-3?? Yeah, I think so. John Madden mentioned on Russo’s show today – Maybe the Cowboys just aren’t all that talented. I’ll take the Texans and lay the 2.5.

4ET Games

Washington -3.5 @St. Louis Joe Theismann said today on Sirius – I swear I am not making this up – that the Redskins are a Top Ten team. Still the Redskins D is good enough, I’ll take them -3.5.
Philadelphia -2.5 @Jacksonville Jacksonville. Scene of Donovan McNabb throwing up, etc. This game could induce nausea. Philly -2.5.
Indianapolis -5.5 @Denver Yawn. I’ll lay the 5.5 with the Colts.
San Diego -5 @Seattle Golden Tate. Now that’s a classic 70s style name. Chargers -5.
@Arizona -4.5 Oakland This game is in Arizona, which is somewhere I guess. Derek Anderson is the Raiders best option at QB. Some guy named “Max Hall” has Kent Whisenhunt’s 100% confidence to tape Kurt Warner’s Dancing with the Stars Performance. I like the Raiders to win outright, actually.

Sunday Night

@Miami -2.5 NY Jets [Insert your own Braylon Edwards joke, please, I’m tired.] Dolphins win on a late FG. Why am I always picking against the Jets? *Shrug* I’m just guessing, that’s why.

Monday Night

Green Bay -3 @Chicago I’ll take Chicago +3. I think they can keep it close so long as Jay Cutler doesn’t throw 17 picks, which seems just as likely as him not throwing 17 picks.

NFL Week 2 Picks

I’m way too lazy to do Fantasy Football. So let’s just pick the games against the spread this year. Yeah, I should have started last week since that was the first week of the season, but trust me, I would have just taken all the home teams, the spread be damned. So here’s week two, and we’ll see what happens. My pick in bold. What are your thoughts? Lines come from, ’cause that’s who came up first in Google.

Favorite Spread Dog Notes
At Cleveland -2 Kansas City Jake Delhomme threw 2 picks last week. I am not surprised. I’ll take KC.
At Green Bay -13 Buffalo Ooh, this is unfortunate for the Bills. A spirited bunch, but the Pack wants to make a statement. I smell a 38-10 type game here. GB.
Baltimore -2.5 At Cincinnati What is there to like about the Bengals? Not much, really. Go Flacco.
At Tennessee -5 Pittsburgh Titans. Can’t see the young QB beating them.
Philadelphia -6.5 At Detroit Wow do I hate this spot. I mean, no way the Lions D can really stop up the Eagles. On the other hand, the Lions have Giants at Wideout. On the other other hand, Shaun Hill is starting. Eagles win, somehow.
At Dallas -7.5 Chicago The Cowboys have so much talent right? We’ll see. I will take the Cowboys, grudgingly.
At Carolina -3.5 Tampa Bay I think the Bucs can keep it close. I’ll take them.
At Atlanta -6.5 Arizona I think this could be a decent game if Anderson’s even halfway decent. I think the Cards can stay within the TD. I’ll take Arizona.
At Minnesota -5.5 Miami That’s a lot of points to lay for a team that didn’t look all that good week one. Wait, which team do I mean? I’ll take the Dolphins.
At Oakland -3.5 St. Louis No chance this game isn’t blacked out. I think the Raiders will somehow win and cover, maybe 5-0 on a last minute intentional safety by Chan Gailey. Or whatever.
At Denver -3.5 Seattle Seattle’s playing loose and Denver is going the wrong way, starting with drafting Tebow. I’ll take the Seahawks and the 3.5.
Houston -3 At Washington Schaub will have to throw a tad more this week. But still, Redskins have no offense.
At San Diego -7 Jacksonville Why is San Diego is a 7 point favorite? Because they should be. Chargers.
New England -3 At NY Jets Sorry Jet fan. Wait, I’m a Jet Fan. Can’t see it, tho.
At Indianapolis -5.5 NY Giants Bad weekend for NY. Peyton beats baby brother.

Bill Belichick Drops Off Recent Draft Picks In Middle Of Nowhere, Tells Them To Find Way Back

Interesting “Team-Building” Exercise. Andy Reid could learn a thing or two, especially given the youth factor on the Eagles this year.

“[T]he infamously Machiavellian coach told his draft picks that there was no potable surface water for “hundreds of miles”; that it would be in their best interests not to attempt to contact any locals who crossed their path; that only the fruit at the very center of the thornbushes would be edible; that most of the indigenous wildlife, especially the arachnids, was very, very poisonous; and that one of the things he had just told them was a lie. “,17352/